Once Upon A Sorority Formal

So while I was in college I became a member of The Delta Chi Fraternity. (Side Note: If you EVER have any question as to if you should join a fraternity/sorority, I say YES. Even if it is for one year, the experience is unlike any other.)

Well we had a group of girls we referred to as “The Hoe Train”. Not because they slept with everyone, but because they were just the opposite. They were friends with all the guys, hung out a lot, partied with us all the time & even told us which girls to stay away from.

Well these girls were in a sorority, which will remain nameless due to the contents of this story, & they decided that as a thank you they were going to take a few of us to their formal. The following story is about said formal.


Now because we always hooked the girls up with alcohol, drunk food, & futons/couches to crash on, they decided to set up everything for the pregame & after party. They got three rooms at the “Tally-Ho Inn”. (Sounds like a $30 a night slum...it was.) They also bought what seemed like an unlimited amount of alcohol. We started pre-gaming way, way to early & were gone by the time we got our rides to the Student Center.

Why the Student Center?
Because that is where the charter busses were picking everyone up.

Charter busses?
Yes. To drive us to & from the Country Club.

Country Club?
The one sorority girl’s parents were nice enough to let us use their Country Club.

Oh no....what happened?
Oh no is right. Here’s what happened:

We were told the rules upon entering the busses:
We were to stay in the banquet room that was ours.
No going to the main club bar as we had our own.
No going outside anywhere near or on the golf course.

Rules? Rigggghhhht...

From what I recall, there were at least 10-15 people at the club bar at a time. People were having sex in the bathrooms. Not just the ones in our banquet room, but the main ones. The Men’s & Women’s bathrooms. I even think my one buddy (who was in a different fraternity) had sex with his date in the coat room. I remember seeing at least four girls puking, one in the main area right by the entrance doors. People went on the golf course. I KNOW my other buddy (in yet a different fraternity) had sex on the ninth hole green.

Now, with me working the previous summer on a golf course maintenance crew, I had a universal key (& still have said key) to any Club Car golf cart. I put this into use with my friend who was in the fraternity two doors down from me. We drove the back nine, & turffed the thirteenth & the fifteenth greens. We did this all without spilling our Jack Daniels & Diet Cokes. (We were proud of that accomplishment.)

Now, after an hour or so into the formal, rumor had spread that we had (cheap) rooms at the Tally-Ho Inn. The other girls in the sorority ended up getting another ten plus rooms at the hotel, & bringing more alcohol. The entire sorority & dates showed up afterwards. (This would be around 180 or more drunk college students in case you cannot figure the numbers yourself.)

Now, when we were pre-gaming, I found something that stated the hotel had a pool. I turned to my date & said “We need to find this pool.” After a ten-fifteen minute walk around the hotel, (all outside as it was THAT cheap of a place), we failed to find said pool. BUT after the formal during the after party, I wanted to make a second effort. Alas I could not find my date, but two other members of the sorority were more than happy to help.

This part is fuzzy, but I remember was told this:
We found the pool.
The pool was empty.
I ended up in the empty pool.
I lost all my clothes.
I still had my Jack Daniels & Diet Coke.
The girls ran off with my clothes.

So I walked back to the rooms but naked, but with drink in hand. This was amusing to EVERYONE. Finally one of the girls tossed me my Nike mesh shorts, & I stood outside the room with a few people talking & drinking. A few minutes goes by, & my date comes out of the room saying, “Oh my lord, I just heard you were naked in a pool & I missed it!” She then sits on the curb next to me with her drink in hand.

Well, being the gentleman I am, I stood up, turned to her & said “here is what you missed!” & then I dropped the Nike shorts to my feet.

Her response?
“Oh my lord Christofer Robin, I am starring at your penis.”

Everyone is highly amused by me once again, & I pull the Nike shorts back up, & just in time. No more than five seconds later, I really, really bright light is shined on all of us. It is Kent’s finest. The police.
People scatter. Some go to other rooms, some go in our room. My date, who is still twenty at the time, freezes. (She was kind of a goody too shoes.) I tell her to leave her drink & go inside. One of the other girls, who was of age, picked up her drink & stood there next to me.

The two officers came up, & the one started asking us questions. Now I can keep my composure pretty well when drinking, so talking to the police was not an issue. The issue was the other officer went over to the door & tapped it with his flashlight. & because it was not fully closed, it swung wide open, giving them the go ahead to walk right in. The officer I was talking to had us all go inside “so we could all talk”.

Once inside, I see the chaotic drunken hurricane we were. Beer cans everywhere. Empty liquor bottles all over. Shot glasses anywhere there was room. Plus around fifteen drunken fraternity & sorority members. All of us were over twenty-one. Well, all but my date.

Now a little bit about my date before this part. She had a very good upbringing. Two older sisters, & parents that cared. She NEVER swore. NEVER lied. ALWAYS said thank you. Even wasted she was polite. This girl, who I still talk to today, is a doll. She had aspirations of going to law school, & doing great things in her life.

Now, back to the room. Everyone is quiet, & the officer, pointing with his flashlight to each person one by one, starts asking, “Are you twenty-one?” I look at my date who is sitting on one of the beds. She has fear in her eyes. My only though was this: “****** is so fucked. She doesn’t lie.”

When the officer points his flashlight at her, & asks “are you twenty-one?” She replies “Yes” & puts her head down in shame.

My first thought?
“Holy Shit! ****** lied to a cop!!!”

My second thought?
“Did I just say that out loud?!?”

Thank GOD I didn’t.

Luckily, we only got a warning from the officers. I am sure it had to do with them being lazy & too much paperwork.

At this point we had learned our lesson & decided to go to bed….

NOT! We stayed up & partied for even longer, but stayed inside the rooms & hopped from room-to-room dorm style.


Now the results of this formal:

Because of my antics, the entire sorority would constantly refer to me, & call me, “The Swimmer”

Because of the actions of the sorority, they ended up on probation for two years. Some of the girls were kicked out.

The girl’s parents who were members of the Country Club? They were no longer members the following week.

My date did in fact go to law school.



All in all, I would say it was a good formal. Well, atleast in my opinion.